Tag Archives: guilt

The Law of the Universe

“Take What You Want And Pay For It.”

I don’t remember where I first heard this idea, but it was a game changer. When I wrote Epiphany (presently being revised) I realized how much my protagonist, Lori Moyer, believed this phrase. It really says it all and I count it as a major theme for Epiphany. To show the way the Law can work, I made the below image a subtitle for the book.  Here it is fresh out of Photoshop:
BylineStarting over in the West, leaving almost everything and everyone behind, Lori paid dearly. This book is a mixture of humor and angst as she comes to understand the ramifications of the bargain she made. It wasn’t pretty. She had to come to terms with illusion and reality, with who she was, and who she was becoming. What an adventure! Following the Law, she came to realize that payments were not just financial, but emotional, physical and spiritual as well. And so was the path taken, lighted by the notion that she was in charge of her own life. Adopting that understanding can be terrifying. Watch for another theme for my newest book .

Order the Historical Novel by S.K. Carnes,  The Way Back, recently released in all e-book stores.

The Dark Side

 Images from 4.fanpop.com-stop-child-abuse

I have mixed memories from my years as a school counselor in the Oregon Cascades. The characters I am writing into the novel Epiphany are made up from actual people I encountered there in the ’90s. I am introducing them in this blog called Portals, because these characters opened doors to new understandings. Your comments can enrich, inspire and make this—my third book—your book too.
The story goes that Lori, the protagonist in Epiphany (loosely based on myself) is hired by a school system in Oregon’s Cascade Mountains. Many families have moved away to find work, and new people have come to make their homes in the back hollows and haunts of the once thriving gold-mining and logging communities—transients, killers, junkies, pushers, abusers and neglected children among them. Lori uses the full force of her personality, along with games, art, music, drama, stories, movies, and her best counseling skills in her new job. She tries to encourage children to be successful and healthy as they deal with good and bad times. But as she uncovers horrible secrets, she comes face to face with “the dark side” in a life and death challenge beyond any she could have imagined. Here is a poem I wrote about the evil hidden behind the words, “Don’t tell.”


Though tender skin and mind
Is ravaged
Deep down the child is bruised
And savaged
Though towering rage strikesdevil
With violence
And brands with “Guilt”
Expressed in“Silence”

Though dreams burn through and turn
To ash
Still children smile and
Let it pass
They fear the devil, but even more,
Disclosure, shame,
And the open door!
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Order the Historical Novel by S.K. Carnes,  The Way Back,

recently released in all e-book stores.

I Am Calling You

It started with an inkling that got crossways in my mind. After it came, everything else coursed around it like a stream does round a wind-fallen tree. I dodged it long as I could, you know—the plates needed to be stacked by size, there was dust on the door-tops—but it was alive and burrowing in until all my thinking began to pile up against it like water before a dam. There it was calling me “Time to go.” It was the essence in the lilac scented air, the verve in the spring green of the new leaves coming on, it was the song spun by the river swelled full and rushing by. It started as an itch to scratch but with the first touch it pulled me in, wound everyday with a beanstalk of desire until I was crazy wild to go.  Only—except—but still—I was afraid.  I stalled.  And the pastel spring passed, as did the watercolor summer, and autumn, layered like the oil painting of a master in russet and gold, left me alone and exposed cowering in fear before the ravages of winter.
I had made my intentions clear, said that I was leaving and going West; the canoe was in the river, so to speak, and caught-up by the current, there was no way to paddle up the rapids.  At last, with Christmas approaching and the blizzards out of Canada descending upon Lake Superior-land, it was passed time to go.  I had to leave now. The calling was deafening, self-loathing at my inaction and cowardice had reached a climax, and I could not live with myself anymore.  So I set a date to suffer over, packed up and drove away, my little car sliding on the frozen road as it strained to pull the smallest U-Haul trailer available; aimed to cross out of Wisconsin, and get through Minnesota and North Dakota before the storms caught me. I was terrified.
How did I manage to do this? How had I overcome my fear and guilt? And what force haunted my being? What Pied Piper beckoned, his calling ever more insistent?
Gently probing. Ever deeper
Comes this urging Quantum Leaper
Crooning song of wistful hue
Sweetly haunting
Heart breaking
Words so meaningful and true
They raked my soul as in they flew
“I am calling you,” it sang
Words that hurt, Words that rang!
I am calling you


Next Week:  Overcoming fear.
Please click on the link below to read about The Way Back , by S.K.Carnes. Three Reviews and a description are posted. http://readersfavorite.com/book-review/28930
cover of The Way Back
New novel: The Way Back

Order The Way Back in all e-book stores. Amazon: http://bit.ly/SoldiersJourney
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